Please Help...

*PupKiba is my best friend, Zac...go read his journal because it goes with what's been happening. I made this a note for a friend because I need to talk to someone about this, but I made it a deviation...because I need help. And Zac needs help..I love Zac so much and he's been going through a lot. And..I know he may read this...and I know he may not...and I know he may hate me for it...and I know he may love me for it. But Zac is the biggest part of my life. I love him more than anything and would do anything to keep him safe and happy. I'd take a bullet for him any day. And I can't..I can't watch him kill himself with alcohol anymore..he's slowly dying and I can't take it..So..please help me..

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Zac is my best friend. I met him here on deviantART almost three years ago. He was ~Zac92Him before. One day I was strolling through dA and came on an art piece of his that I liked. As I was going through his page, I saw a person who had come on his page and was bashing and harassing him for being gay. It got to the point that this person made him cry. And I wouldn't tolerate it, so I fought back and pwned this person and got them banned from dA. We've been close ever since. He and I started writing notes online back and forth about how our lives were. If anything ever went wrong for me, I would come home from school to find a note just to cheer me up, because he knew. He cared when it felt like no one else did. We were planning on meeting in person back when we met online, but our plans always got canceled and messed up for some reason..Anyway..Zac is the best friend I've ever had. I've never loved someone so much as him, and now...I'm so worried about him..I've never seen him this upset..

Pretty much Zac's boyfriend..Nik..broke up with him..and he's been so different..and he's worrying me. He hasn't been sleeping or eating and he's been physically ill(throwing up) and unable to function properly. He can barely go to work. My friends and I have been spending nights with him to help him but Zac's had such a tough life he's giving up on himself..

When he was only a baby...even before he was born..his mother was going to abort him..then as a baby she accidentally FORGOT him in a bar. His second of six step-father's abused him and gave him terrible scars on his back, and made him partially deaf in his right ear. He has a repressed memory and can't remember his childhood at all because of this man. He lived with his grandparents his whole life until he got an apartment for college this summer, when he finally moved to my area. He's suing his mother for child support because she keeps claiming she's too poor to help but she keeps buying the newest phones and the coolest cars so it's obvious she's lying.

He's also been heartbroken before. He's been used and abused by other guys so much he's at the end of his rope. And when Nik broke up with him...everything went wrong.

Zac doesn't tell people he loves them until he knows he does. When we met Nik where we work, at The Rocky Horror Picture Show downtown, for only 18 and up, Zac took a liking to him. And Nik liked him back. We went to a local convention, a very large one at that, and went to "Yaoi After Dark," which is also 18 and up. There, the two of them went up on stage pretending to be a couple, and played Simon Says. They did things that were definitely 18 and up, like making out and licking nipples and fun things. And it was all just a game..

But they got more serious and eventually started dating. Zac put everything into his relationship with Nik. He spent 160 bucks to go with him to a Margret Cho show for his Christmas gift. And for awhile, Nik would give back. He made him an origami heart with a flower on it out of a dollar bill, and Zac still has it. But for the longest time, Nik wasn't putting anything into the relationship and Zac was still putting his all. Eventually, on New Year's Eve...Nik broke up with Zac.

Zac had finally told Nik "I love you." And Nik said that he loved Zac too, but he wasn't ready. Zac was and still is completely destroyed. As I said, he hasn't eaten or slept, and all of that. My friends and I have been spending nights with him and keeping him company but it's not helping. The last few nights he's been contacting us all, drunk. He's underage for drinking - 18. I don't know where he gets the alcohol.

My friend Dustin was with him the other night, sober and watching him. And Zac was facebooking me while drunk. I asked him to let Dustin talk to me and he did. Dustin said he wasn't doing any better at all, and if he doesn't get better soon we're going to have to do something. Zac is killing himself with the alcohol and he already smoked before that so the combination is just making it worse for him..

Nik and Zac actually talked, and after I saw the conversation I talked with Nik as well..here are the conversations:

This is the conversation Zac and Nik had two nights ago.
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Zac~ So now that I'm sober enough to type this, I just wanted to talk to you about why you broke up with me.

I do understand that your not ready for a long term relationship. But I would like to talk about more on why you think your not ready. Are you afraid to commit to one person for that long of a time? Or is it that you just don't feel like you would like to be with me long term?

I really do love you Nik and I don't want you to be the one that got away. But if you think that I'm not the right one then I understand. BUT, If it is just that your not ready to be in a long term relationship, then is their anyway that we can work on that? I really want to be with you Nik, this break up really effected me in a negative way. And I feel like I can be doing more for you. I just want to understand you more so I can figure out what to do. I want to know if I need to do something for you to maybe be ready? Or do I need to just disappear?

I love you nik and I want this to work out for the better...



Nik~ I most def don't want you to disappear cuz your my best friend, but I just don't think that it would have worked out between us and I'm not saying that your a bad guy or that this was your fault. It was me that was the problem. You deserve someone that would put as much into a relationship as you have. You would make anyone an amazing boyfriend.

In all truth-fullness. Its hard to say and I don't know why, but you have felt like my best friend than my boyfriend. It's my fault and you deserve someone better than me who I know will fall head over heels for you because you are such an amazing guy.

I would be very sad if you weren't a part of my life. You have no idea how I wish things were different and I could return the love and affection you have given me. It breaks my hart but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't.

I would understand if you didn't want to talk to me anymore but I really love working on rocky with you and hanging out with you. i hope you and I can ALWAYS be friends.
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And here's my conversation with Nik.
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Me~ Okay I'm just going to get to the point with this. I'm not taking sides because I love both you and Zac. I love you to death. I really do. But we have to talk because some serious shit is going down over here and I can't help Zac all on my own. He sent me the message between you and him about why you broke up with him. I understand. He doesn't. He sent it to me when he was drunk.

Dustin talked to me on Zac's account and told me if Zac keeps going on this bad we're going to have to do something about it. He was at Zac's place, watching him because he was sober and Zac wasn't. He's been online and he can't even type correctly.

When he sent me the forwarded message between you and him, he asked me to call him. I did. He was still drunk but I did it. And I tried to make him understand that you DO love him, it's just not the same way as he thought. I told him you just weren't the right one for him.

I said that you were pretty much saying that you broke up with him now so that you don't end up hurting him even worse later. Because you would rather not lead him on with the feeling that you love him romantically when you don't.

And then I just told him you weren't the one and you would be if you could, but it's just not possible. And I told him Dustin was worried about him getting even more hurt if he got back into a relationship with you..

And you know what...? He started crying..telling me how much he loved you and that you were totally worth it. That he would spend his every ounce of energy just to be with you. He can't get over you at all. He's killing himself with alcohol and he's been unable to function properly.

Nik I don't know what to do. I'm not asking you to get back together with him, but for the love of God..please help me..I can't watch him like this. I'm worried sick. I'm crying over this boy. He's my best friend. I tell him I love him every day and he used to always say it back but now he's so distraught that he just can't..

What am I supposed to do..I can't be there with him on school nights..I can't be his watcher..his guardian..but I can't see him this upset..



Nik~ Me either. I hate it. I have asked him what I could do to make it better and he just keeps saying not to break his heart what am I supposed to say to that? I have no idea what to do I just got off the phone with him and I told him that I didn't want him drinking anymore



Me~ When I told him I didn't want him drinking he just cried and told me "I need this right now." I can't stop him. I hate to ask you to try and give him another chance because I know you just can't love him romantically but I feel like I'm trapped and you're the only way to fix it for him.

I don't want him going back to how he used to be...he used to burn himself with cigarettes, cut himself, he's tried to commit suicide three times. He's actually been in the hospital on suicide watch before. I just don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do...

Nothing will fix him unless you magically turn around and say you love him..or at least it feels that way.. =/



Nik~ Holy crap. How come no one told me that!?



Me~ Well..I figured since he dated you he would have trusted you with his history..but..I guess he never said anything. If you've ever noticed little scars on his upper left arm as well as a strange circular mark, the scars are from cutting and the circular scar is a burn from a cigarette. The scars on his back are also from abuse from one of his step-father's who wanted Zac to be just like him...he also caused Zac to be partially deaf in his right ear. =/



Nik~ i knew about the ear and back thing, but when i asked him about the thing on his arm he said he didnt want to talk about it.
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We don't know what to do. We can't stop him and he's killing himself. We're hopeless over here..and I can't stop crying..